Encouragement, life, love, relationships

Closure After A Breakup 

What’s Up People!!!

Break ups sucks, believe me I know! I am going through the process now and I have to admit it is emotionally and mentally draining. You try to think about anything else other than the relationship or the now ex. On top of that you’re trying to heal and just go on with your life. It’s a lot. What makes it even harder is when you still have unanswered questions or things that you need to get off your chest. That was me, there was certain things that I could not shake and I had questions. 

While some people will feel like, why does it matter shake it off and keep moving, I don’t operate that way, and I’m sure there are others that feel the same way. When something is really bothering me I have to get to the bottom of it, especially in the case where I am trying to move forward. While, the word “closure” seems so cliche’ to me. Some time’s its needed.
With this current break up I now understand a few things about closer that I didn’t before. In the past I thought it was a feel good moment to get things off your chest and suddenly that relationship is out of your system. However, that’s not always the case. Closure can and will hurt because it’s about getting down to the truth, and like the old saying goes, the truth hurts.

 Initially, I was hesitant to have a closure moment because I told myself that I was just going to move on and leave it alone. I had made up in my mind that I was not going to contact him anymore and I was done! However, I could not shake certain questions that I had. Not to mention I was expecting and wanting something from my ex and it was driving me crazy looking for something that probably wasn’t going to happen. So against my original plan to not contact him, I started the closure conversation.

When you start this conversation you have to know exactly what it is you want to achieve. You also have to be open to this conversation not going the way you expect will. You have to go with a clear head and heart, the last thing you want is to turn an already hard conversation into an heated argument. You also have to respect your ex’s feelings if they choose not to engage in the conversation as well. Lastly, you have to know when to end the conversation because you don’t want to end up in a situation that makes you more upset than you may already be.  In my case I didn’t want a drawn out episode of talking in circles for too long with no resolution.

I had two questions that I needed answered. Luckily for me my ex was open to answering them and he was as open as he could have been with me. While some of what he said didn’t make sense to me and there was a few things that was said I disagreed with, I got what I needed. The conversation helped me to come  to the realization that is was truly over ( I still had a glimpse of hope) and it was really time to start the process of letting go and moving on. After that conversation it started to feel like my relationship had truly come  to an end. Honestly, it was a hard pill to swallow.

Now I know that’s probably not the results some people are looking for when they decide to have that closure moment, but it is a reality. Breaking up isn’t fun, and I don’t think there is ever a moment that feels good, especially when you cared and still care about your ex. However, closure helps to have that moment to get those last things off your chest, or figure out what you couldn’t understand. It doesn’t make sense to try to move on with uncertainties because it creates a negative energy that you could potentially carry on to the next relationship (bitterness, false ideas about who you are, or unnecessary walls for protection of getting hurt again). 

So what’s next..you shed a tear or two. Have a good nights sleep, wake up the next morning slay your face, and begin the new journey that’s ahead of you..where ever that may lead you.

Peace and Love
Feela
Images taken from

The College Crush.com

Lovethispic.com 




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